Lockdown and Anxiety- Is it really taking a toll over our mental health?

Just as I was getting a hang of the online teaching, the zoom app blunder came crashing down the virtual world. It was not even a week into the online classes that I was giving from the comforts of my home and was all ga-ga over the benefits of the technology when I read about the bugs in the zoom app.

I felt miserable, to be very frank. After all the chores that I do and not to forget my kid’s super charged energies to deal with, when I sit down and plan for the next scheduled lecture, it makes me feel tired already before I could start with it. Just the thought of it wanes my energy. I start missing the good old (pre-quarantine, pre-lockdown) days when I at least had the privilege to get out of my home and have some time of my own listening to music while driving on my way towards my workplace. The only “travel time” that now I have is from my kitchen to my study room (my office as my daughter calls it)and the way back! Phew!

People are talking a lot about the unpredictable situation they are in. The uncertainty of the extension of lockdown period, the status of working from home, the chores they do, how ‘enlightening’ and ‘useful’ this time is proving to be for them. But I have thoughts otherwise. I am not here to suggest ways to perfectly utilize our time while under lockdown, but, I am here, just blabbering about my lack of energies and enthusiasm in particular days. I might sound a pessimist but it happens with many of us, if I may make bolder claims.

I feel aghast at how the organisations (not all of them but many) expect from their employees to give equal number of hours and productivity in such trying times? The routine is more or less like, waking up, cooking and eating, working all day, respond to emails and chats, eating again, watching TV, and finally off to bed. For me it becomes even more tedious since I talk to a screen in front of me while conducting virtual classes, as students are all turned on mute and out of sight. It doesn’t give a feel of teaching virtually but then it has to be done that way because of the slow and poor internet connection with many of my students.

There are days when I cook something extraordinary and then there are also days when I don’t feel like cooking at all. I usually play an indoor game or two with my kid but it is not the routine for each day. I draw, I read, and sometimes just sit and watch the clear blue sky out of my large windows. I call friends and family, I socialize virtually, and I laugh and also dance sometimes. But then, as the day ends, I feel a monotony that the next day is going to bring.

My point here is, we all know we were not prepared for this calamity which befall on us, but is it so difficult for us to work in these unusual circumstances? Is the change taking a toll over us? Were we so deeply settled into our fixed schedules that this time of flexible routine ,which seemed a luxury once, is now being disapproved. Have we over the time, tamed our self to a pattern in our life for things we usually do and the ways in which we carry them out, that any change would make us restless and uneasy. I don’t even know if this is what I am feeling right now, and may be, the next day would make me feel better.

Meanwhile, I have set simple and achievable targets for me.

Firstly, I have planned to finish that book today, which I have been dragging myself to read since a week or more! (I have stopped counting the days now!!)

Secondly, I would cook 5 more (ordinary) dishes that I haven’t tried yet. (2 have already been made).

Thirdly, I would write an article which is due at this month’s end.

Fourthly, I would with continue my Yoga which usually remains my last priority.

and Lastly, I would try and remain calm and positive in everything, considering that it is not only me who is “quarantined” but all of us are together in these challenging times.

Hopefully, I would come up with new targets for myself in the time ahead. But I would be pleased to know your thoughts on this rant of mine. And whether it is happening to you as well.